Come wondrous lover
of my soul,
wrap me
in comfort,
fill me with peace,
strengthen me
with Holy power,
do not hold back,
come, come
overwhelm me
with your abundant
grace,
ignite a fire within my heart
that yearns and burns with
a passion for you
that will not
be quenched,
create an
irresistible
overflow
from my life,
rivers of
love,
grace, mercy
and power...
+
Come wondrous lover
of my soul,
do not hold back...
Come Spirit
of life and light,
blow through
the cobwebbed
corners of my heart,
sweep in,
cleanse and clear
the dross,
bring life's gift
afresh,
then light me up,
flood my soul
with your
illuminating presence,
heal me,
set me free
from the voices
of accusation
that rise unbidden to
weave their
stories afresh,
and help me
to walk in life's
transforming light
renewed
again by you.
+
Come Spirit
of life and light,
blow through
the cobwebbed
corners of my heart...
this is a gift,
this rising sun
pushing back
the clouds
of doubt,
pain, and night,
yet even here
are shadows,
for yesterday
cannot be discounted,
nor easily forgotten,
and her memory
becomes sometimes bitter,
sometimes sweet,
but more often
a mingling of
both,
yet the sun still beckons,
move on,
step forward,
here lies life's gift,
new possibilities,
infinite horizons,
come as you are,
battered, bruised, limping,
come,
receive,
step in,
step out,
you will never
be the same...
How did it get to be Thursday?
And is it really Pentecost this week?
And while I am at it, am I really a grandmother, and how has my life changed so dramatically over the last few months and years?
I am beginning to feel like I have come to the end of a wild roller coaster ride and smashed into a brick wall, and now I am gasping for breath and wondering how I got here...
It has been a wild ride and continues to be so, there have been amazing high points and some really low ones, and they continue in a weird mixture of what is often called life's rich tapestry when I am being positive and chaos when I am being negative, mostly it is life's rich chaos I think...
It is out of that chaos that I find myself preparing to preach on the birth of the church and the amazing, awesome, mysterious, unexplainable plan of God to work through his people in the power of the Holy Spirit. The God who comes to us and fills us with his presence when we let him, the God who draws us to himself and touches our lives in a way nobody and nothing else could. As I ponder all of this I am aware that the first pentecost was born out of life's rich chaos too, the disciples had also been on a wild roller coaster ride, meeting and walking with Jesus, being taught and called, empowered and equipped, bemused bereaved and astounded, full of belief and wracked with despair and disbelief they were told to wait and pray.
I am trying to place myself into their shoes, to wonder with them what they were waiting for, and I am not finding it difficult, because when I wait on God I am never sure what he is going to bring my way! Into the waiting time the Holy Spirit came not peacefully as a dove but with wind and flame, with a power that filled the waiting group and propelled them not into a nice calm and ordered way of life but onto another wild ride, and yet it was one where the power and assurance of God was such that they could not escape it. The peace that passes all understanding would see them through persecution and shipwreck, torture and death...
As I ponder this I know that I am held and centered by that same peace, that through the highs and lows of life he has not and will not let me go, that even in the storm he IS there. The Holy Spirit of God is working in and through me, I may feel like I have hit a brick wall, I might be battered and bruised and confused by life but I am held by one who loves me deeply, and the wonderful truth is that that love is still deeper, wider and higher than anything I could ever imagine.
I love Pentecost, I love the reminder it brings to me that I do not have to do "it", that it is God who works in me according to his good purpose and that his plan is perfect, and that nothing, nothing at all can separate me from that love.
So today as I prepare to celebrate the birth of the church afresh I come with all that I am, my faults and flaws, my gifts and talents, for I need his presence more than the air I breathe, and as so often happens I am reminded of his knowledge of me, as even today when I was feeling downhearted, dispirited and exhausted he brought 3 different in the flesh people alongside me, to hold my hand and pray with me....
What next? I have no idea, but I suspect it will be a wild ride....
Come Holy Spirit, come, come in power, come in peace...
Lord bless Sarah Judith,
this new gift of life,
hedge her around with your protection,
bless her mother and father who
will hold and protect her,
and grow in her your gifts,
potentials and possibilities,
may she know joy and peace,
love and laughter,
warmth and safety,
may she bring those gifts
and be those gifts,
may she grow in grace
and be whole and strong,
bless her to be a blessing
and comfort her with your song.
This is Sarah Judith Reay, born 10th May 2013, in Newcastle to Emma and Chris.
I am pondering the ascension on Ascension Day, pondering and wondering, trying to put myself into the shoes of the gathered disciples as they watched in amazement as Jesus disappeared . What a roller coaster ride they have had, not only in the last few weeks as they perhaps traveled with their friend from the triumphal entry into Jerusalem through the horrors of the crucifixion to the resurrection, but also before that as they responded to his call and teaching in different ways. The call of Jesus turned their lives upside down right from the beginning of their ministry, I am thinking of the fishermen who left their nets, of Matthew the tax collector who left his table, of women who followed and cooked and supplied for their needs...
Yes Jesus drew them and stirred something in them that gave them the strength and courage to leave their day to day lives, yes they saw amazing things, healing and miracles, but surely even these things were unsettling, just think of Peter's reaction to that first miraculous catch of fish:
"Get away from me Lord, I am a sinful man..."
Their minds, and emotions must have been in overdrive, joy, sorrow, comprehension, confusion, questions, answers and half answers and more questions, horror, relief, terror, turmoil and hope, the list goes on, and it gives me hope. I think we all have times of turmoil and change in our lives, times where an array of thoughts, feelings, emotions and questions are stirred up, times when we feel like our world is being turned over and wonder what is coming next. Those times can be in our personal lives or corporately in some way, and I guess I am thinking here mostly of churches who are asking questions of their future. That said I am also reflecting on a time of huge change in my personal life that has left me wondering what on earth is going on.
So why is the account of the Ascension helping me, and how on earth can an account of Jesus disappearing be good news? Of course I have the advantage that I know what comes next, but right now I am trying to put that aside and to ascend the mountain with the disciples, I am trying to hear Jesus teaching, to experience with them the opening of my mind to fresh understandings of how God works and how he has spoken even through the mess and muddle of psalms and prophets, and met them even in their struggle and failure to obey the law in Jesus the fulfillment of all their hopes. Now he is going, but he does not leave them without hope, he is promising them his gift, promised from the Father, all they have to do is wait, and with that he led them out, blessed them and ascended into heaven....
I wonder what their thoughts were as they returned, I wonder if they felt unsure, nervous, battered and bruised, held only by the spark of hope ignited by the promise and the blessing. I suspect they did, I almost hope that they did for if that is how they felt and were they give me hope, and I believe that their story brings hope to the church today, and perhaps that hope lies deepest in the one thing they were told to do; "wait and pray".
What happens when we wait and pray, what happens when we decide to seek God through our pain and helplessness, in the midst of our muddle and confusion?
"...those who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength, they shall mount up with wings like eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint." Isaiah 40. vs. 31
Those who wait on the Lord renew their strength, and find that their strength is not in themselves but in God. I have recently challenged two churches to stop and to wait, to allow God to renew their strength, to wait on God for his gift, for the one thing from which fresh growth will begin, and while we know that God is with us, that the Holy Spirit is in and around us, there are times when what we need is not the latest idea but God himself to renew us. In fact I'd say that we always need God to renew us, but maybe particularly in times of change when we know that something new is coming and we are caught between what was and what will be, in the liminal space where the ground seems to shift beneath our feet making us unsteady. Into this space God comes to renew us, and the waiting time becomes for us a cocoon from which we will emerge changed, like a butterfly where once a caterpillar had been.
So today I am grateful for the gift of Ascension Day, it has spoken to me differently this year, and I find myself wanting to embrace the waiting time, to feel the spark within me fanned into flame, to be made ready for the new thing, strengthened in my walk of faith.
ask you say,
well some days
I don't know what to ask
or how, but here I am
praying that you will still
the storm that rages all about me,
longing for your peace,
and seeking the still small voice
whose breath
is more powerful than the thousand
questions and accusations
I find rushing through my brain,
here I am seeking to be
more like you,
longing for your work of transformation
to take me to new levels
of faith
but straining to see
the way through the tangled wilderness
of my days
so I am knocking,
no I am railing against heaven's door,
will you answer,
will you grant me your
gift of grace
for you are the answer I need,
and it is you I am seeking ,
will you help me?
will you strengthen me?
will you wrap your arms around me?
I am asking, seeking, knocking
in obedience to you...
"And so I tell you, keep on asking, and you will receive what you ask for. Keep on seeking, and you will find. Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened to you."
(Luke 11:19)
Set your fire within
my soul,
and burn in me a passion
for you,
pour your life
into my life
until I overflow with
love and grace.
Plant seeds of faith
to grow, spread
and produce a harvest,
then sing to me
a song of joy that
echoes through
my life
everywhere I go.
+
Hold me firm
when storms rage about me,
let your cross be the transforming
anchor for my soul,
shelter me
in the shadow
of your wings,
still me,
strengthen me,
set me firm upon the rock
of your love
and draw me into
the dance of life
where resurrection power
make nothing impossible...
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